So you met for coffee, went to the Farmer’s Market or somewhere else for your first date or possibly this was a “meet and greet” to determine whether you even wanted to have a first date. You seem to want to get to know each other a little better so it is time for the first date or perhaps the second date. I came across this blog by Ken Solin and I think it has some great information about 5 things you should consider before you go on a second date. You can read it by clicking on the link, however I will give you the quick overview:
1. Has your date done any type of personal growth work, individual or group therapy, been in a men’s or women’s group, attended any workshops or lectures about personal growth or relationships, read any books or magazine articles about relationships, or done anything at all that indicates the ability to co-create a successful relationship? This is critical since every relationship faces challenges.
2. Does your date have any same sex friends? It’s important because it points to trust.
3. Did your date show interest in you and your life? Did he or she ask you a fair number of questions? A frequent complaint is a first date that didn’t stop talking about his or her life and failed to ask their date anything about theirs. This is a red flag because it suggests someone self-involved and self-involved people don’t make good partners for obvious reasons.
4. Does your date have some means of support? Unless you’re okay with financing the relationship, this matters.
5. Physical chemistry is vital, but I’m not suggesting sex too early in a relationship. It’s a good idea not to become sexual until both partners feel confident the relationship is viable. It helps avoid the hurt feelings that accompany rocket ride, failed relationships. Since the great majority of couples feel that a satisfying relationship embodies strong physical chemistry, it’s worth asking your date how important they feel it is.
You might be a little shy or nervous to ask these questions but by asking these questions in the beginning you can save yourself a lot of time and possibly heartache. It’s much easier to break it off early rather than thinking something will change. These questions are the meat of a relationship.
Another option would be to consider these questions while scanning profiles on an online dating site. Yes, perhaps people may or may not be truthful, however, by having a list of questions to get started, it does make it a little easier. OkCupid.com has you answer hundreds of questions and rate the importance of each question. That is how they determine your compatibility. If you have the fortitude to go on OkCupid.com and answer these questions I highly recommend it. The site is free and you can get real clear on what is important to you.
Feel free to comment on your experience of a second date or any of the online dating sites. The comment button is at the top which is that little cloud.